


A Supercut of Us

by zapatterson



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, Post-Break Up, Zapatterson, supercut - lorde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 10:33:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11311581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zapatterson/pseuds/zapatterson
Summary: “You – you, god what the fuck, I-" Tasha stops herself, not wanting to say something she'd regret. There is a deep, dark rage bubbling up inside of her, and it takes everything within her to not spew hateful words or name calling and instead she's begging.





	A Supercut of Us

**Author's Note:**

> aja & audrey in costa rica makes me so!! ajhdsgad i love them

_In my head, I play a supercut of us_  
_All the magic we gave off_  
_All the love we had and lost_  
_in my head_  
_The visions never stop_  
_These ribbons wrap me up_  
_But when I reach for you_  
_There's just a supercut_

__

__

_____ _

____

____

It’s not like she isn’t expecting it. She is, really; she is expecting it. Its been three days since she returned from her six month undercover case and there's only so much avoiding two people can do. Even when one of those people is antisocial, eventually they're going to be in the same meeting or debrief. Eventually Weller or Jane or Reade will call the whole team for something or other and they'll have to face each other.

____

And it’ll be awkward, and they won’t be sure what to say to one another. 

____

And it’s not like Tasha wasn’t expecting it to happen eventually. She was. She is. And it does happen. 

____

Tasha is the last of the team to enter Patterson's lab, where the rest of the team already are. She knows the weight of that heavy stare; she'd know it anywhere. She reaches one of the lab counters and grips the side of it keeps her eyes on the floor as Patterson clears her throat.

____

Six months. 

____

Six months they’ve managed to avoid one another. Granted, Tasha volunteered for the undercover op in Costa Rica. The last three days Patterson avoided leaving her lab unless absolutely necessary making sure to avoid going anywhere near Tasha's desk. 

Six months, and now, here they are, standing in her fucking lab, Tasha thinks, staring down at the laminated floor. She can hear the catch of Patterson's breath, and she closes her eyes and breathes deep.

____

Weller is next to clear his throat, clearly exasperated at the long silence and Jane helps them both and starts talking about the case in hand.

____

==

____

 

____

"I love you," Tasha says it one day, and it comes flying out of her mouth, whispered like a little secret, but she knows Patterson can hear her, even over the now turned down radio. She can feel it in the way Patterson freezes up against her, as they sit lying in the backseat of the brunette's car. She can hear it in the way Patterson's breath catches in her throat and her fingers tighten around Tasha's wrists. Tasha says it again, says, "I love you" and Patterson's breath catches again.

____

  
_In your car, the radio up_  
_In your car, the radio up_  
_We keep trying to talk about us_  
_I'm someone you maybe might love_  
_I'll be your quiet afternoon crush_  
_Be your violent overnight rush_  
_Make you crazy over my touch_  


Patterson can't fathom the possibility that someone could maybe love her, especially after David, Tasha thinks, and that - that hurts. So Tasha barrels on, rambles about all the things she loves about the blonde (her selflessness, the way her breath catches when Tasha kisses her throat, the way she laughs when Tasha says something sarcastic, and then tries to hide it), and her pulse flutters in her wrist and she knows Patterson can feel it, the nervous feeling inside her as she tells her all of these feelings.

 

"I love you," she says, and Patterson's breath catches. She says, "I love you, and I'm not going to deny myself the simple pleasure of telling you, or holding back from loving you, or from feeling it because you or I might be scared."

==  
Kurt wraps up the debrief and Tasha can't move. She watches the rest of the team file out, and she stays put. And so does Patterson.

 

“Tasha,” Patterson says quietly, and Tasha is amazed, amazed at how her voice still sounds just the same. Soft and strong, near frightening. 

“Patterson,” Tasha replies, still staring at the floor like it’s quite possibly the most interesting thing in the world, gripping the side of the counter like it's a lifeline, trying to breathe deeply, all the while thinking, six months. Six months. And trying not to think, she still looks the same. She still sounds the same. She still smells the same and acts the same and holds herself the same and God she misses her. But she remembers why she left.

  
_So I fall_  
_Into continents and cars_  
_All the stages and the stars_  
_I turn all of it_  
_To just a supercut _  
__

__

__

Tasha is about to make a move to leave when Patterson clears her throat. She says, “How are you?” quietly, almost like it pains her to ask.

__

__

And Tasha has to close her eyes again, because it pains her to answer. She has to control her breathing and her heart rate to answer, “Fine,” and make it sound like it’s not a complete and total lie. Like she doesn’t think about Patterson and Patterson's eyes and her voice or the way she sometimes looks amused when Tasha would go on her many tangents. 

__

__

And she really has to make it sound like she doesn't still remember the way Patterson looked sleepy after sex, the way she curled around Tasha in her sleep, the way she laughed.

__

Patterson makes a noise that Tasha doesn't know quite what to think of but she returns the courtesy and asks "How are you?"

__

Patterson just looks at her. 

__

____

__

__  
_Cause in my head (in my head, I do everything right)_  
_When you call (when you call, I'll forgive and not fight)_  
_Because ours (are the moments I play in the dark)_  


_______ _ _ _

“Fine,” Patterson replies, shifting a little, still gripping her tablet.

_______ _ _ _

“That’s – great. Just, really wonderful,” Tasha says, and shifts, moves towards the door, still talking, “I mean, I never expected anything less, Patterson, I have to say. It’s really great that you’re alright, I mean – yeah. Yeah,” Tasha says again.

_______ _ _ _

And this time her feet move and she makes for the door.

_______ _ _ _

Before she leaves she turns around and Patterson is looking straight at her. “Um,” Tasha swallows, “It was – Patterson, I –” Tasha doesn’t know what to say. She doesn't finish either, she leaves.

_______ _ _ _

When she reaches her desk, there's no one about. She grips a pen that lays on top of paperwork and just breathes. She leans her head against her hands, closes her eyes, and focuses on steadying her breathing for a long, long time. She doesn’t know how long she sits there, but when she opens her eyes she starts on her paperwork like nothing had happened. .

_______ _ _ _

==

_______ _ _ _

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Tasha says.

_______ _ _ _

“Tash –” 

_______ _ _ _

“This is a joke,” Tasha spits, and Patterson almost, almost flinches at Tashas' tone. 

_______ _ _ _

“It’s not,” she says calmly. 

_______ _ _ _

“You – you, god what the fuck, I-" Tasha stops herself, not wanting to say something she'd regret. There is a deep, dark rage bubbling up inside of her, and it takes everything within her to not spew hateful words or name calling and instead she's begging.

_______ _ _ _

“Tasha, I’m the person making this decision,” Patterson says, still just as calmly, and Tasha – Tasha can’t. She curls her fingers into her palm and stares up at Patterson. 

_______ _ _ _

“Please don’t,” she whispers, “Please. I told you – I told you I loved you.”

_______ _ _ _

Patterson's breath catches.

And Tasha's eyes are filled with a storm.

_______ _ _ _

  
_In my head, I do everything right_  
_In my head, I do everything right  
_

_______ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> hnnng don't hate me :((( THANKS FOR READING AS ALWAYS I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE COMMENTS/KUDOS


End file.
